We live in a world that has been supporting women as domestic violence
victims for decades. This leaves men and teen victims out as well as abusers
(which can be women, men, and/or teens). The fact that men and teen victim
cases aren't taken as serious as women victims is appalling. America has to get
more educated on the issues of abuse and begin to educate men, women, and teens
victims and/or abusers. I know both sides of this struggle because I was a
victim and an abuser.
As a victim and an abuser, the support that I received was one sided. There
was help for me on one side of abuse as the victim but the abusive side of me
had no education to help me change my violent ways. People would say it could
never be me or why are you letting this happen. But why didn’t anybody talk to
me about the importance of not being
a violent offender. Unfortunately, anger management does no changes for the
"brain." Major reprogramming has to transpire in the amygdala in
order to break the cycle of domestic violence and abuse as whole, which leaves
a deeper understanding of abuse." There
was no education or resources to help me understand why I abused men. I had to
attend school, starting with my BS in Criminal Justice and now my Maters in
Mental Health Counseling to understand my behavior and the frustrations. I’m ashamed
to say it but there are many women and teenage girls that are abusers that are
cheered on for victimizing their partners, parents, and/or school mates. We
must put an end to that.
America must look at the bigger picture. Times have changed and women
aren't the only victims when it comes to abuse. The Center for Disease Control
took a survey in 2010 and found that 40% of the victims of severe, physical
domestic violence are men. We have to educate and have resources for victims and abusers: women,
men, and teens. America, stop being bias and cease the practice of answering
the call for only women victims. Yes I am a woman defending men. Men need
defense too. America, get educated about domestic violence and the many tags it
wears, how to respond to domestic violence victims and abusers, and how to
treat domestic violence victims and abusers. In my experience in connecting
with other abusers and victims I’ve learned most domestic violence victims and
abusers have three common issues. (1) They probably come from a background
of abuse, (2) They are homicidal and or suicidal, and (3) They need extensive
counseling.
Dr. Irene Matiatos, clinical psychologist and owner of Dr. Irene’s Verbal
Abuse website, says that the abuser and the victim do not take responsibility
for their actions. The abuser and the
victim do not seek self-control, the only person they have any true power over.
Abusers look to control the victim, other people, situations, and outcomes. The
victim obtains some sense of esteem by working hard at pleasing the abuser (and
anyone else), in the hopes of getting approval. The abuser attains some sense
of esteem by convincing others of his or her worth. “I work hard for things and
look what I get.”
Here’s the best way to address this issue
1. Research your history (the victim
and the abuser). Think about what kind of violence you witnessed growing up.
Think about what was accepted and how others reacted to it in your family.
2. Securing both victims and abusers mental and
emotional state in order to make sure they aren’t suicidal or homicidal
3. Reprogram the amygdala to understand what's really going on. Why am I accepting abuse or perpetrating abuse?
3. Reprogram the amygdala to understand what's really going on. Why am I accepting abuse or perpetrating abuse?
There are not many resources to help abusers get help to stop the cycle
of violence. Domestic Violence Wears Many Tags is a local non-profit domestic
violence prevention and resource organization dedicated to restoring and
preserving a stable family environment through services, advocacy, and
education. If you would like help to overcome being the abuser or a victim
please call QueenAfi, (202) 821-8933 or email DVWMTS@gmail.com
The ONLY way to end domestic violence is to include abusers
(Men, Women and Teens).
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